how do i do everything while doing nothing but always expect something

It seems in the scriptures everywhere I look it is calling us to be poor, serve others, be everything to everybody. I walk around all day toiling over money and what is owed me. I have to work... right?.... or I'm lazy, not the man of the house. Money makes me a man, makes me successful, respected. Scriptures say things like this:

I’ll say it again—it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!

Matthew 19:24

and this....

Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements.

James 1:9-11

These are bold statements. If Jesus walked in my apartment door right now and said it is harder for my arm, much less a camel, to enter my gates of heaven than a rich man, what would my response be? I'm pretty sure Jesus is describing an impossible situation for the camel, and for me.

What is my response? I'll make what I need to be content so I can depend on myself. I'll pray when I need something, or am craving the next trinket to fulfill my desires. How many times have I prayed for things I want or supposedly need. "God give me this or that..." My version of Christianity seems to sparkle with undertones of wealth, entertainment, and self gratification. God warns me here about the accumulation of wealth:

The very wealth you were counting on will eat your flesh like fire!

James 5:3

My search is to find out what a Christ followers life should look like. I live my life protecting my straw and wonder where God is.

The gospel I say I believe in doesn't lend itself to this comfortable lifestyle I've been taught and continue to model. I am a friend to the world. I do what I want and push past whoever gets in my way. I am the king of excuses and can spin any circumstance to fit my brand of "Christian living." I am constantly searching to appease my appetite. I want what only gives me pleasure.

I want to curb my never-ending clever complaining (mwy), and start experiencing the joy and peace God promises.

... when all that you owned was taken from you, you accepted it with joy. You knew there were better things waiting for you that will last forever.

and my righteous ones live will live by faith. But I take no pleasure in anyone who turns away. We are not like those who turn away from God to their own destruction. We are the faithful ones whose souls will be saved.

Hebrews 10:34 and 39-39

the straw test

So this is my first BLOGger im just really doing this so i can really just collect my thoughts in some kinda of writing format, it really helps me sort through my thoughts and make it make sense (or it gets lost in the sea of distractions in my brain ).

THE STRAW TEST

me and sarah have been really digging into the last month or so these scriptures.

1 Cor 3:10

By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

Romans 12:2

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Today I was in the shower and thinking about these verses and then I imagined everything in there turning to straw: the razor on the counter, the shampoo and soap just mounds of straw. I started thinking of all the straw I had built up, spent countless hours working somewhere getting paid straw to buy more straw, straw in my apartment, or cable straw, or four wheeled straw. Then I thought man, what do I do on a daily basis to get some gold, to affect someone's soul, or my own soul. Not alot. In fact most of my days are spent trying to entertain myself or make me more comfortable in the straw beds I have made. I think that it is inevitable to have some straw, but I would be devastated if God burned all my stuff up right now. I would be left with nothing, maybe a small gold nugget that I was blessed enough to have been given.

It is overwhelming to think about all the time I have spend conforming to the patterns of this world. Paul says he struggles to and works hard to tell others of Christ with the wisdom God has given us (Colossians 2:28-29). I most of the time blame God if I have to struggle: financially, spiritually, anything-ly. He calls us to struggle. Obtaining gold is hard work and intangible. It is subject to the will of God. We are given gold if we are following God's will. WELL HOW DO WE DO THAT? I've been going to church all my life, and my life looks the same as anyone else's, believer or not. What should my life look like as a follower of Christ? I think mine looks like someone just escaping through the flames. And I am not fulfilled or satisfied. Praise God. These patterns of straw are leading to nothing but emptiness. I need God's wisdom to transform my way of living on a day to day basis. Then he will bless me with a life that has some Gold, to a person that cares about the souls of others and is willing to let go of some of the straw I have built up for the last 24 years. My mind needs to be alert with what I am thinking and doing and what it is accomplishing. I am responsible for seeking God and not wasting the time he has given me worrying about paying or obtaining bills, an awesome career, getting famous, or gaining a comfortable live of financial satisfaction.

Colossians 3:1-5

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking inside you.